#315 - Sarah Birnie - Navigating Mental Health on Tour - LEADING LADIES

0:00 Hello and welcome to Leading Ladies with me, Sarah Burnie. La La La La ladies, the ladies now here's the leading ladies by geezers of gear on tour. Maybe she got some stories to share. Now here's the leading ladies by the geezers of gear Rock star ladies with some stories to share because La La La La la ladies.

0:52 Now this is going to be a different one. It's just me. It's just ceremony on this little podcast. I have tried for well, actually this one particular lady, Hannah West, we tried before I went on tour to get together, but sadly we couldn't connect properly. And then when we were on tour, we were going to do a podcast, but it was just, it really wasn't the time we or we had no time to actually do it. And since we've been back, Hannah was poorly and many other things, things which I'm going to talk about. So that is 1 podcast that is on its way with a fabulous lady called Hannah W. She is basically she's a chef and she's been working in the music industry for I think just over 10 years now.

1:42 The insights from her that I really wanted to find out, you know, being a woman in Yeah, in the cake in the chefing world because it's not often you find lady chefs, especially in the hop kitchen. So that was one thing we were really going to talk about. And she is a strong advocate for mental health. And many, many topics were going to come from the tour that we've just done. And sadly just now I was about to talk to a lovely lady called Rachel Bronstein, who is the founder of Life's Jam, which is a financial coaching practice now. A was connected with her through Cara Kemp, who is from Ecolife and we found out that she was actually going to be fired the financial coach for the tour that I was just on as well.

2:29 So we had a 1A mutual connection being Cara and then obviously I was on this tour and she was also going to be the financial coach for this tour as well. Sadly, my Internet has just gone all over the place. It kept cutting out. I'm trying to do this one now. I hope it won't cut out, but we'll see how far we get. But we will be rescheduling for a couple of weeks time because I know this conversation is going to be fantastic. Light Switch is a collective of award-winning lighting, media and visual designers committed to changing how people experience the world. For more than 30 years we have been practicing pragmatic design at Light Switch. We believe it's our responsibility to keep our clients creative, logistical and financial objectives in balance. Light Switches range of expertise is extended from working one-on-one with clients and artists to multidisciplinary teams collaborate on all visual aspects of temporary and permanent projects.

3:22 Light Switch creates unforgettable moments and powerful experiences. We celebrate our team, clients and all of our industry's diverse and talented people. As a part of our commitment to inclusion in all aspects of entertainment and experience design, Light Switch is proud to sponsor leading ladies. OK so my Internet did cut out again. I'm hoping I can get to do a little chat for you guys now. And it is really about the mental health side of things. I think now the podcast has been going on. I don't know what's it been about six months now. So I've had, I think at that time, 12 guests come on the podcast, which has been amazing. And every time I sit here talking about mental health going, Oh yes, you've got to look after yourself, you've got to do this and you've got to do that.

4:09 And really I forgot, I haven't been on tour since before COVID. That was on purely because during the COVID time, I focused more on living here in Crete, I focused more on walking and I tried to to sustain myself work wise by getting remote jobs, which I have done up until now. And obviously working for Marcel through Geysers of Gear Leading Ladies has come about, Future Tech has come about and I am totally happy and absolutely love my remote job. So that's the first thing. I was offered the opportunity to go on tour. It was a six week tour and my husband, who has never toured before, basically was also asked and that is one of the reasons we decided to do it, because it was going to be together and we thought what a great opportunity to go, to travel, to do everything fantastic. Now this is his first tour.

5:05 My role within the tour was dressing rooms. So I was looking after dressing rooms alongside, or not alongside working for a wonderful lady called Rebecca. Basically. I loved it. I absolutely loved it. I loved that busy that you're on the go. I love sleeping on the buses, I love going into the hotels. Everything surrounded a tour I really loved. Now my husband, it was his very first time and he was on the catering side in the front of house and it's the very first time that he's done this, but I couldn't be more proud of him. Like he absolutely was incredible. From the moment we loaded in, he was already trying to organize himself, so it was going to be easier to load out. We were in Vienna for the first five days and it had its difficulties, which I will go into. Even with the difficulties, he was still always incredible. He then also understood the work that I'd been doing previously and especially when I told him that I used to go on tours and I used to do this, I used to do that and it's very easy to say, OK, you go on tour, but nobody understands what you actually do.

6:16 So personally for me, coming back from this tour, it's really brought us even more closer together for him to actually understand what Tory means and the actual the achievement that he's come out of it. Everybody loved him. And I mean everybody, absolutely everybody by the end of it, you know, they were, we were, he was feeding like 100 people. He knew everybody's name. He knew their dietary requirements. He knew this, he knew that. And he brought joy when people came into the dining room, which is what a front of house person is meant to do. He also understood the tiredness. And we looked after ourselves. And we did, you know, we did.

6:56 We did. Well, yeah, really is. Or even as far as drinking, it was a great tour for that actually, because the rule was you didn't drink until you finished work and basically was at the bus. And I love that because really, I've been on many tours where people will start drinking in the afternoon and drugs, whatever. And I've got no problem with people doing anything, like really anything, as long as it doesn't affect your performance. But it always does affect your performance because maybe if you've had a little bit too much, you could be a little bit too short. So having this or say no, no alcohol, no nothing until the job is done really made everything clean cut to how I really like to work. Also on the buses, we'd get onto the bus if I call it a school night.

7:41 So if we had another loading day the next day, really everybody on our bus was very respectful, maybe 1 beer when everybody finished work with the after show food. But really everybody then went, they went to sleep because they all knew that the next day we was loading in, it was gonna be another hard day. And then we enjoyed ourselves when we didn't have a loading day and it was rolling into a day off, travel day, day off. And we did, we all had some beers. Myself personally, because I wanted to see different countries with my husband. We really, we were in bed before the bus was rolling. We did have a couple of nights throughout the six weeks where we stayed up with everybody and that was fun. But then those of you that know you feel rubbish the next day, you had a great night. But I suppose that's life in general. But really for us it was more about getting a good night's sleep.

8:30 You still feel tired, but then when you arrive, like Luxembourg. I've been to Luxembourg many a time on a tour. However, I've never had a day off there. So we managed to get up early while we got to the hotel and had a shower, had some breakfast and then went straight out and explored Luxembourg, which is a beautiful place, Absolutely beautiful, very expensive, but beautiful. So we really made the most of trying to keep ourselves in the best shape physically and mentally. Now let's go back a bit. My role, as I said before, was going to be dressing rooms and then also all of the buses. We were travelling with seven buses, so I had to make sure that all the buses were stocked with everyone's requirements every day.

9:12 And that included the band's buses and that included the crew buses and production and management. That was all pretty much straightforward and dressing rooms, you know, I'm used to doing both of those positions. And yes, it could be long hours, but once the organization comes in, you know, really it's yeah, it's, it's easy. You know, you just got a little bit of organization and it's all good. But we were going into Vienna. That was our first, first call, and we were going into a bank holiday and that was already the start of, let's say, difficult times because everything was closed. So we got got there a couple of days, one day earlier, trying to prepare everything, get everything for the riders, for the dressing rooms. You know, I had to buy five days in advance where you're going to store it all, where you're going to put this, you're in a tight space.

10:01 But again, that's nothing that we haven't dealt with before. Our team from the catering side, it could have gone one or two ways but it went the other way. So what I'm about to say now, it has no reflection on any one person in particular or what's actually happened. But basically my role, dressing rooms and the buses, that's fine, I've done that before no problem. But I had a little bit more stress because I was trying to keep an eye on my husband Manoli, who had never done the front of house side of things before. I was also expected to go into front of house to teach him. But I had no time. Like really I had no time with doing all of the jobs that I needed to do. And I was also the main correspondence between the production and really I found it very difficult to even go and help at any point at the front of house. So that because I'm a very sensitive person, that was on my mind.

10:57 We had somebody in what's known as the middle kitchen. So they do the salads, they do the desserts. They don't normally do this area, they normally work in front of house. So they were going into an area where they weren't so keen, not so keen, they weren't so confident, although they had had experience that they were running that on their own. Then you had two people in the kitchen. Now the two people in the kitchen, yes they've had experience in hot kitchen, but not one together and two never as that being their main thing. So both of those girls actually, they were in fact always in middle kitchen and they are excellent at salad and desserts.

11:42 They playing out of the park every single time I've been on tour. I've been on tour with one of them, which is Hannah that I mentioned previously and another girl that I hadn't met, but I've heard lots about her. Then there was another gentleman that was kind of like we we didn't have a crew chief. It was split between myself and this other gentleman and this other gentleman hadn't had experience at all in being a crew chief, but was an excellent head chef. Straight away I could see a red flag that you weren't going to make any videos when I say you when I my my the bosses of our company, there was no crew chief now not just necessarily for our team, but for production for the lighting department, the video tomorrow, but who do you go to who do you see not just rock up at catering and Oh no go no, that's them that's them that's her that's you.

12:30 It was all really confusing from the start. The gentleman that was then going to be let's say part leader with me, we clashed and I don't normally clash with people but we clashed. But that was purely because I am very organized and he really wasn't organized and it was a little bit out of his league organizing. So sadly the organization skills really did lack. But he also was trying to help too many people. So he was trying to help the 2 girls that were going that were in the hot kitchen and then he was trying to help the other gentleman that had moved up from front of to the salad and dessert world. And then you had Manoli that didn't know anything. I was coming past and I was like Oh my God, you need to do this, you need to do this.

13:18 But I didn't have any time. In the end I had a breakdown and I mean I did have a breakdown. I realized that it was impossible and it takes a lot for me to say that things are impossible. But really it was it was all getting too much. The kitchen was behind over ordering on stuff because you panicked order and people were trying to help Manoli when I couldn't and that was putting strain on them because that wasn't, you know, that's not part of what they do. Really. It just it was it was not turning into a nice situation. There was little problems that happened. We also had, obviously it was the rehearsals for the tour, so they were working really late. We were also working really late. The dinner would finish at 10:00 at night, but then myself and this other gentleman would stay late and sometimes you would be getting back to like 1:00 in the morning. We were then up at 5:00 to go back in again. So lack of sleep.

14:12 At that point I really wasn't looking after myself by eating because I didn't have time or I thought I didn't have time. You should always make time to eat. But you know, I'll eat in a minute, I'll eat in a minute. Just keep on going, keep on going. And then it came to the show day date, the night before show day. And there was still lots of things that needed to be done. And I realized I'm not going to do it and I need to speak out. Now. One of my bosses was actually there at this point. He'd just arrived because I think he was he was coming to meet the production, but he was there and it was like 2:00 in the morning. I couldn't sleep. And I just wanted to point out before this, so the three days before at any given point, I was slowly getting worse and worse and I would just break down, I'd break down in tears. And that's generally how I release my emotions anyway. And I wasn't me.

15:05 I was frustrated. I knew I could do the job for whatever reason, you know, I saw being put in different positions. Was it, was it me, you know, was I not working fast enough so I could go into front of house to help Manoli? Was it the fact that we were silly to put Manoli in a position where he'd never done it before, where we all still need to go into positions where we'd never never had the full experience of going into them? I can't say. But whatever happened the night before the show day, I couldn't sleep. I was just sick, constantly crying, and I knew the tasks that I had the next day, if I didn't speak up, AI would let everybody down. I spoke to Manoli and I said, look, I don't think this is for us.

15:50 I think we're holding everybody back and we might have to like leave. We might have to leave. I also called Marcel and I spoke to him and he was like, you are, he's never heard me sound so down, so sad. Makes me a bit emotional already. Really. It was absolutely. I just, I can't describe it, just it was really, really tough. Anyway, I wrote this. I didn't know who to go to. I didn't know who to go to. Go straight to my boss or one of my. I didn't know whether to go to this gentleman that was in charge of everything. But clearly really he couldn't. He couldn't, he couldn't do it like he couldn't. He couldn't organize it. And I was also getting worried for the future, future shows because we were so behind on preparations for that as well. So, and I'm not blaming him, but yeah, I kind of am at the same time, like I kind of am.

16:38 Anyway, I wrote this message and I said it's 2:00 in the morning. I'm breaking down. If I don't tell you now, if it comes to tomorrow, I'm going to literally, excuse my language, fuck up everything. And you know, we're really going to be screwed. And I don't want to do that to the team. If you could all help me and I listed everything that I needed help with. So the three buses for the band, I was like, it's a really, it's a it's such a, you know, what's the kind of think of the word now. It is specific things that they needed. You know, they wanted this this product had to be this product. And you know, yet you get it from a special, special shop. We had one runner to do not only feed 100 people and get their shopping.

17:21 I was like we haven't got enough people to do the special things as well and me to go take it to the buses, this that and the other to do the dressing rooms. And like really I knew I couldn't do it. So I delegated in the best way that I thought, and one being that my boss would do the the three buses. I could do the like the crew buses. That's fine. So that was four of those. Somebody would need to help Manoli in the evening for dinner, which one person did that was the gentleman from Salads and Desserts. And he was incredible. I mean, really, he was incredible. Oh, and I've got to mention in the midst of this, because we're there for so long, you don't have fridge spaces. So we hired a fridge that came down a ramp into the arena. We then put all the shelving up.

18:06 So yeah, bang, the fridge is there. All the rest of it. No, we then got told that we had to pull everything out to drive the fridge outside round in a car park every night. That at the end of the day, I mean, the logic in all of this was just bonkers. So, so many things were going wrong for us at the start, but again, lack of planning, lack of organization and lack of information LED us to do stupid things. My e-mail then or my message, it was to everybody. In the end I decided not just to do it to the boss that was there and not to the gentleman that was in charge of the things. It was going out to everybody, to the girls in the hot kitchen, you know, just guide Manoli if you can during this time right now. I said that I believe that it's us that's causing these issues and that we will be basically considering we're going to be leaving, but we're not going to leave you straight away because we're going into basically 2 back to backs. And then we had a long travel day and you know, I said just see us through this, this phase now and this was it. Now, bear in mind, everybody knew how I was struggling, so my whole team could see how I was struggling. I had private conversations with every one of them, and they were like, yeah, we've got your back, we've got your back. I just put it in paper, in writing rather than, you know, whispers here, whispers there.

19:19 Everybody's under the same umbrella. And you know what? Really how I need help. Well, I didn't hear from, I didn't get any response by the time I'd finished this because it took me forever. I must be 4:00 in the morning. I got to sleep and I was back up again at 5:00 ready to leave to do the show day. As we're walking into work, everyone's like, we really appreciate your message. Like last night, of course we're going to help you. We're going to get through this. We're going to do it. And we went into work. As I was walking into work I spoke to the boss and I was like I'm really sorry, crying at this point. I said I'm really sorry. I don't know what's happened. I didn't want to put any blame on anyone but I'm just, I was just, I said I had to be honest and I can't, I can't do it.

20:00 And he said oh don't worry, you're going to be fine. And that was it. You're going to be fine. It made me mad and I was like I'm not going to be fine. It has taken me so much to open up to say to you. I need help. And not just help within what we're doing mentally. I'm having a breakdown right now. I am breaking down. This isn't the person who I am. It has never happened to me before. And really, you can't just say it's going to be all right. And it was like, oh, you know, it's just the first, the first couple of days you're going to get into this, everything's going to be fine. You'll get organized. You'll get this. I know you. I said, yeah, I know me. And that's the problem. I know me. And this right now is not me. I just I don't know what to say.

20:44 Anyway, we did the day it was the toughest day. It was all chaotic everywhere. I mean absolutely everywhere from the kitchen to actually the only person that actually had everything under control was Manoli. So he had everything under control but the loadout. Now loadout, I will go into a average day for let's say my average day when I was on tour, but the loadout for us dinner finished at 8:00 and really an average loadout should be done by 9:00. So that's one hour, one hour from a full buffet being still in service. 8:00 no more food, clear it all down, put it into wash up, put it all into our flight cases, clear the kitchen, clear the dining room, absolutely everything, everyone so fast.

21:28 Bang. 9:00 we're loaded out, we're done. It was midnight. That is how much shit we had. That is how unorganized we were. And but like I said, when I'm not organized, I can't see, I can't see it. I can't see the I can't see and I knew I had to focus, but when you're trying to put all your front of house bits in one box and then a certain person comes and puts a load of kitchen stuff in it and like just mixes up everything and one persons moving 1 foot, There's just no, we weren't dancing with each other. We were just fighting to the end. We're also very tired and that is a huge factor to it as well. Anyway, we then had one more day, we had a load in the next day, which we kind of like, OK, everything's going to be simple. We're going to do it and we're just going to get through it. We did.

22:15 We got through it and I believe we had like a two travel day into a day off and that the owner of the company was coming to see us because I had again said, actually, I want to backtrack with my boss at the time, he was like, it's OK, everything's going to be fine. It's always like this. At the beginning I was like, it's not, it's not always like this. I had to go around to everybody individually again and say, am I being crazy? Is it me or is it that something isn't working? And they all were like, no, it's not you. I said then please, please come together, tell him how you're feeling. Tell him you're struggling here. Tell him everything. And again, if it wasn't for me going up to these people individually and saying, help me, it would have stayed the same or I would have broken down or I probably would have just left.

23:00 I'm loyal to anybody and I would not do such a thing. But it came to a part, came to a point where I was like, yeah, I can't. And then you've got my husband that's kind of doing well. But at the same time, you know, nobody showed him how to load in and load out. He's just like, there's your there's your cases. Go sort it. Yeah, he's doing. He's doing it fine. But is he a bit slower? Yeah. Does he? You know that's going to be normal when you haven't got someone to show you. He was 100% whatever I was going to do. So sadly, if I left, it was going to be him too. Anyway, we managed to get some sleep. The owner of the company came to oversee everything and just try and work out what the issues were. And at this point I was like, things aren't changing. It's just like, this is just crazy. The totally unorganized, I mean, food being delivered like 30 minutes before it's meant to be on being made hot and out for lunch or out for dinner.

23:50 And I said to Magnolia, I said, right, I think it's time. I called myself, I said, Marcel, you know, I hate to say this or I think actually he would. He actually was really happy the fact that I was going to be coming back earlier. I said, I can't do this. And he was like even Marcel was like, come on, Sir, what's the problem? And he really did help me. He Marcel helped me a lot, talked through stuff. And I said, I know me. I know that this is not I can't sustain this. I can't sustain this this type of work in and this in this emotional state. And she was like, OK, don't worry. And at the time I didn't actually, I didn't even have a lot of money in my bank account. You know, this going to do this job, we needed it. We needed the money. You know, the money is good when you're on tour. And even Marcel, he transferred some money for me so I could go and get the flights for both of us. So thank you, Marcel.

24:37 I truly appreciate that you did that. And anyway, my boss, he was with us all day again, he helped with the buses he helped do, he was all, he was all over the place. He didn't stop all day. And it made a lot of difference on our team. But then we realized, well, actually, you know, like we need one more person. So finally speak to my, the owner of the company. And I'd seen him go around talking to everybody else before me, which is fine, you know, because everyone knew my issues. So he was going around talking to everybody. And then he brought myself and Manoli out. And he was like, OK, Sarah, so you know what's what's going on? And I kind of went to say a few things, you know, the lack of organization and this and that. And I said, you know, I'm really sorry I've let you down, but we're giving you notice now, and we'll leave in basically a week's time.

25:24 But we had two more shows to do. And he went, you're not leaving. And I was like, I can't. He said, no, no, I know you can't do it. I can see how you are, he said. And I, I totally admire that you've been so honest and asked for help, he said. And that's why I'm here now, to resolve the problems. And as it turns out, he swapped out one of the girls in the kitchen who has had experience in basically being a crew chief and the gentleman that was in charge of being, I don't know, the crew chief alongside me. He was then made back to head chef the very next show day. It was amazing. This woman was organized. She had time to do things they didn't have time for, so she was helping me. She was helping in middle kitchen. She went to the shop to got everything done. She was then out front with Minoli giving him assistance. She then had time to load out her own stuff before helping. It gave me time really.

26:21 It was like, well it was like being on a different tour. I can't thank her enough for going into the role of basically the crew chief. Working alongside her was fantastic. The option still knew that they'd come to me for things and they could also go to her. But we were a team, We talked, we didn't clash. I'm not too sure why I clashed with the first person. Well, I do because of the not being organised. I think if he was under better guidance as a crew chief, he possibly could be good. Possibly. But on the same tone we would make sure, I mean we, we were up early making sure we had the list done, making sure everything was done for not just the next show day, the a week ahead. We're part of groups.

27:07 We need this as a pre-order. We need that. And we wouldn't, we, we, we wouldn't have a drink. We wouldn't, yeah, we wouldn't even have a day off. We had many days where it was a travel day into a day off and me and this girl, we didn't have a day off. We went in, we went to the shops to get the special things that we needed or we went into the gig just to do a pre rig and we let everybody else have a day off. We we looked after together the team and the crew. There was a little bit of resentment. The gentleman that was then made back down to head chef, which I understand, but then at the same time, he's been very patronized in the sense that, oh, you know, I've left. No, you kind of didn't leave. You had to leave.

27:48 He's a nice enough guy, but it wasn't it's, it's what I'm trying to say is I reached out to someone and it was the wrong person. The wrong person told me it's going to be OK. I knew it wasn't going to be OK. The right person you reach out to or the right person that I reached out to did help me, did sort the problem, did everything he could to keep me and Manoli part of the team to also keep all of us part of the team. He even said maybe it was a silly move putting everyone in positions that they're not 100% comfortable with, but he really wanted to give everyone the opportunity and not have anyone stuck in a role that really, you know, they we everybody could, you know, improve on.

28:29 I can't thank him enough for what he did. The tour ends up being brilliant, but during this time when I also was having my breakdown, there were other people as well having breakdowns. And I suppose that energy, it can be like that, you know, when a tour just starts, you know, you don't know people, you're not interacting properly and you're tired, especially when you've had rehearsals that didn't go as planned. I would like to think once I came out of my my mini breakdown, I was able to help other people as well. And people then came to me and I sat here, this is what I'm used to saying no, reach out to someone or make sure you're there for someone. And I think that's really my message now is make sure you're the one that people can come to because if that person goes to someone that they, like me, got told it will be OK. That wasn't the answer I was looking for. And really I was screaming for help, screaming out loud. And I'm not saying I would have done anything silly because like, but really without having Manoli there at night, you know, to like just be there to support me, maybe I would have just done a runner, you know, I don't know. I don't know, I really don't know. Maybe even collapse because I wasn't eating. I wasn't, you know, really paying attention to myself. And then when the person that was needed came, the owner of the company saw the problems, saw everything. And as I said, the rest of the tour, yes, it was hard. OK, So it was hard work.

30:02 There was a lots of things, but not just made our department hard, it was every department's hard. You know, everybody was stretched, things were going wrong, things were unexpected, but all of those people that I could see were struggling. I asked, are you OK? We had more tears, I had thank yous and some people even went higher up to say people are struggling. And that's what I loved about this tour, people talking and really I have nothing but love, admiration for everybody on the tour that I just was working with.

30:43 The tour manager. She's fantastic. The production team, the crew, my little crew and the band really, really were lovely. Far as the tour was concerned. They looked after you and they really did. You know, we'd come in from a travel day and our hotels would be booked from the night before. I know not every tour can do it because the budget doesn't doesn't allow that. But rocking up, you know, at the hotel on a travel day, day off and you go straight to your to your bed. You've got breakfast there and you've I've got all day to relax. You can do whatever you want. First couple of let's say, travel day, days off when only I just wanted to be our own little bubble and I knew a lot of other people did as well. And then all of a sudden, once the once everything started moving, how a normal tour does, you know, it is it's tiring. It's you know, it's everything.

31:31 Once it was normal. There was one particular time where was going into Oslo and I spoke to one of my crew members and I was like talking about, oh, you know, didn't say what are you doing the next day? I just said, have you seen this? You can do this. And she went and we looked at each other and she was giving me ideas and I was giving her ideas. And I went, is it time? And it was, it was time to actually spend the day together on a day off and that for me. And he owned that. And it was only like 2 weeks into the two weeks into the tour. And it was so lovely to actually go out with the group and other people as well. We had the best bus. So on our bus was backline and audio and there was us guys and they were all we were here.

32:12 We said we were the best, the best bus crew ever. Again, everyone was really respectable on the bus and we also wanted to hang out when we we got places. You know, we're part of our group. Oh, we're here now we're having a coffee or having a beer and this, that and the other. And then other people will be like, oh, no, no beers for me today or whatever. And everyone was like, it was just everyone cared for each other on this group and on our bus. So that was fantastic. A day in the life of what I was doing. So let's say we've well actually didn't matter whether it be from the from a track from a day off the day before and we stayed in a hotel or rolling in from the bus loading. We always got to the venue for about 6:45. So that was like generally leaving the hotel by 6615. We would then rock up to the venue, suss out this empty room. We're going to turn into this wonderful dining room and kitchen area, work out where everything's going to be 9 times out of 10, set up all the tables, set all the rest of it, and then our trucks would be tipped at 7:30, from 7:30 until 8:30.

33:20 That was our loading time. We had to set up a full kitchen. We bring all our ovens. We bring everything in with us. We bring our flight cases full of all that crockery. We've got coffee boxes, we've got Bam Maries for the hot station, we've got you name it. We, we bring everything with us. We have to set up everything, including organize all the power, which can often be a real pain in the bum as well, because you've either got wrong adapters and this and that or the powers here and you need the electrician to bring a big cable and this, that and the other. But within that hour there is a full English breakfast. I'm going to say English because just a full hot breakfast, shall we say a full hot breakfast, full continental. Everything is out within that hour and and hot coffee. I still find that amazing because I'm like, how on earth do you from the moment of loading to having a full setup within an hour with hot stuff, you know, coming out for everyone to eat and start their day. And what people forget is that we then don't get to eat because now we've, we've done all that.

34:24 We've, we've worked pretty much on an empty stomach unless we've what we do have breakfast on the bus. We've had a little bit of breakfast on the bus, but you generally wake up. So like, I don't know, within 15 minutes to get off the bus and run straight into the venue. You grab a banana and you grab a coffee on the way. Some people don't even grab that. We're running in straight away. We're running on empty, you know, we're, we've set it all up. But from the moment, once that's set up, I then go into the dressing room world and I'm organized and then I've got flight cases full of alcohol, full of this, full of that. That's my little world with all the rider generally in it already. And I go and see Rebecca, where all the dressing rooms going to do. We're going to be where's the production fridges?

35:04 OK, we're lugging, we're moving fridges. We're doing this, we're doing that. And then in the kitchen, they're preparing for lunch. So they're all preparing for lunch. It's all chaotic. And it's just, yeah, it's just, it's constant there. There there are no breaks in the catering world. So that's just turning over. I've left Manoli to finish the little bits, you know, add stuff and what, what not. And actually saying that my coffee machine is just decided to make a noise. I'm not too sure if you can hear it on the bus. There was this fantastic coffee machine that when we got back, Manoli had to go and buy it. So I've got this coffee machine that's just decided to know talk to me. And yes, so then I would go into all the dressing rooms, the production riders, actually not too bad, but you know, you're lifting, lugging, I mean big heavy boxes, this, this, that and the other normally done by. I always like to try and get it done by 12. That's like, you know, for everything. And then after that, it's onto the bus stop. So then I've got to go onto the buses, all 7 buses workout what what's needed, send out a runner for that. By the time they've done that, I've come back down to my bit where I've got lunch to serve for the band, gone to serve the lunch for the band.

36:10 Then I've got the cool boxes and I take all the cool boxes all the way to the stage for the, you know, left, right front of house. Then I've got the band cool boxes. So that takes about an hour. By the time you've done that, you've found where the ice is. And I know this sounds boring to most people, but this is just non-stop and lifting and lugging, lifting and lugging constantly. By the time I've done that, my runners come back with all the shopping, putting it all out into boxes, carrying it all up to the buses. Now sometimes these buses, they're not even outside the venue, you know, I've got to either walk another 20 minutes to get there with a trolley or with or whatever, or up flights of stairs which was 1 venue. So many issues that make such a simple job really just unpleasant if I'm honest.

36:57 So then once all that's all done, then I come back down to my world and I've got to load out. Now I've got a load up box. So then it makes everything quicker in the morning, I prepare everything. So I've got all the riders Kim the not back in the box. I've got all the riders in the boxes. So everything's sealed off, ticked off. Yep. OK, we're going to Paris today. Everything's in there done. Apart from fresh stuff, everything's all in there. Boom, that's this room. Boom, that's this room. Boom, that's right, this, that's this room. So then the next morning when I go loading straight away, I just pull down, pull out the the container from where I put it and then I go straight to the dressing rooms. But I have to to do that then, so I'm doing that. I don't know. This could be about 6:00 now by the time I finished the buses, 6:00 I'm doing that. Then I'm packing everything away. Then I'm doing my lists because I need for the next gig and then for the next gig.

37:45 So I'm doing this by the time I've literally closed my box, it's, I don't know how I did it, but always it was like 8:00 on the dot, like 8:00 on the dot, which then that was done. I shot over to the front of house and then I started clearing away all the dinner packing away, send everything to the wash up. Luckily we have wash up people and their local assistants that help us and they're always amazing. They put everything through that needs to be washed, washed up, start packing away. We've got fake flowers everywhere. We have to put that in places. We have to pack all our containers again. The kitchen's clearing out the kitchen. They're getting everything. We've got the music going to give us some energy because funk enough. Probably none of us have eaten at this point because it's like, OK, I'll eat in a minute, I'll eat in a minute or I'm grabbing a banana or what I lived on this time was protein shakes. Protein shakes saved me this tour. Finally.

38:39 I'm like right, OK, pack everything away and once everything was smooth running and the changes were made, our earliest loadout was 8:45. In 45 minutes we had done everything which was brilliant. Now for the rest of the team, that is their job done. So they can go and have a shower, they can go watch the gig if they want, they can go to the bus, they can relax. But of course I'm still on dressing rooms and I've got after show food which the lovely crew chief, she also helped me do that as well. So by the time that's happened about at 9:30, the after show food comes and we've got to go back up to the buses, let all the after show food up on the buses. By 10:00, I was normally able to have a shower.

39:19 So I'd have a shower but put on black stuff that I can get away with as being like pajama type style. And then I probably had about, I would say 30 minutes until the gig finished. I would then eat something. If I'd say something healthy, I would eat it, but healthy or have a slice of pizza. Well, I don't know about you, but I know where my, my, my belly's going and it was always the pizza. I did try not to, and I did try and eat healthy, but depended on the day. Then we went out and we watched the gig. Now that for me, that was my energy that I went to the side of the stage, watched the gig, it gave me the energy.

40:00 My lovely husband ended up staying with me the whole time to help me do clear out the dressing rooms and the rest of it. And he also gave me energy. He could have gone to sleep but he didn't. He was like Nope, we're in this together. And so anyway, we had, we had a dance every night at the side of the stage. We just loved it. Hadn't really heard of the band apart from a couple of famous songs, but by the end of it we knew the words. We absolutely loved them and they were just incredible, incredible people. The gig. Finishes 11:00 11/15 for everybody to leave and then we go back round, clear all the cool boxes, come back to the dining room, empty all the ice out If there's still some drinks leftover, which sometimes I was, sometimes I wasn't strap them all up, put them on the cases and then wait to clear some of the dressing rooms. A lot of the stuff in the dressing rooms was left because you know, people take it, you know when, when they had a shower and on the way to the bus. But I still had to make sure you know that I was still there. Probably, I'd say on a good night, 12:00, I was back at the bus, latest was about 1:30.

41:04 So that is a long old day. And that really is without any stops whatsoever. That's just, yeah, that's just keep on going, keep on going, keep on going, keep on going. Did I love it? Yes, But I do it again. Yeah. I would do it again and I would. Sorry, Marcel, I would do it again. But don't worry, I'm not going anywhere soon. I'm very happy here working at my desk with my lovely background, chatting to lovely ladies chatting or listening to myself on his learning about AI and with our future tech podcast. I really love everything. And I think one of the things I wanted to talk to Rachel because, you know, she was saying that financial issues can be a huge strain when you're on a tour.

41:51 And I, I think that's, I think that's right as well. I mean, we went with, we didn't have a lot of money when we went. So we were going on tour knowing that we'd come back with some money and that would like that. That would really be great for us basically. And I couldn't imagine being, I've always said I will never be in debt. So I'll never be in debt. And we do live a simple life here. I'm able to live a simple life here because we own where we live. There's no rent, OK, living expenses. They are is going up now. But we also do a lot of things where it doesn't cost money. We go for lots of walks. We do the garden things that we don't need to spend any money. But then of course, every week you do send, you spend some form of money.

42:37 The electricity is going up higher now but wanting is not the same as needing. So that's my motto for life. Wanting is not the same as needing. Although I do straight away bought a coffee machine, actually made me laugh because yeah, he did straight away. He was like, can I buy a wash? And he's asking me, can I? I said, yes, it is your money, you can do what you want with it. But at the same time I was like, unless you've got any plans for anything else right now, which we will do while we're here. Obviously I've got this job and we've got many friends already. I've just been asking Manoli to, it's summer season here, so been asking him to go and help with various things. So we're like, I know Jack of all trades right now. We can put our toes into wherever's needed, help where as needed, and work where as needed. And we just love working together. So what would be The upshot of all of that? I wish I had somebody else to do a leading ladies podcast with, IE Hannah about the tour just now. And like, like what?

43:35 Yeah. What she took from it and whether, you know, this is only my version, remember. So, you know, maybe there's another version there, but I'm going to say mine's pretty accurate to. Yeah, What happened and how I felt, and I think coming out from this, rather than me sat here going, you've got to look after yourself, you've got to do this, you've got to do that. I want to really try and say to everybody out there, you be the one to make sure you're keeping an eye on everybody. You be that person where people can come to, to talk to and tell you. Even with my crew, I could go to them. I felt that I could go to them and the production side, they were always asking me because they also, they saw they didn't know me at this point, but they saw that I wasn't good. And they were asking, am I OK?

44:23 You know, is it that you're short staffed? And at first I thought that was the case. I mean, we did need another runner. So I mean, I tried to explain that, you know, we're feeding 100 people so we've got a Transit van that is full of food. I mean you're talking thousands of pounds worth of food. All the drinks, you name it is full. That's like 1 runner is like going out and buying this stuff. Then you've got my stuff to buy. Well, they haven't got enough time. You know, they also start at 7 and by the time it's like okay, you can use him now like to go buy your shopping. It's like 2:00 in the afternoon. The poor, the poor guy or woman hasn't even eaten yet themselves. And then I've given another massive shopping list. Then they're going to stay for after show. You know they're working again. A good 1516 hour day and they're driving. So we did resolve something by having another would help me for a few more hours, which took so much pressure off once things I'd seen, I thought that it was that we needed somebody else to help and once things had sorted itself out, the organization was really good.

45:24 I did go to production. I was like look and and the owner of the company I was like we don't need anybody else but we don't need any any extra help. Don't send anybody out. That wasn't the issue and and we are all good in our respective roles. Now. We always know that we don't get caterers, don't get breaks. You know, we I know what everybody else does is intense. It's hard work. I know some people that don't get any time to themselves, but there are some crews that you know, will have a couple of hours to go and get some shut eye or even sit down in our dining room and have something to eat. That's just kind of like standard, you know, like that's, that's that's what everybody expects other teams to have is, you know, food, good food, be able to sit down to have food.

46:12 Or if they don't, then someone's going to take them some food and someone's going to look after them. I would love to try and have a catering team that try and looks after each other more on that sense being more aware, I suppose, even for even for other crew members. I mean, I had one person. So bear in mind we a lot of the times as well, the travel journeys, especially we was going in from a like a double loading. We wouldn't get there until like 10, 10:00, maybe 11. And you know, like we're not going to go in and do breakfast at that point, But we'd always, I'd always make sure there was stuff on the buses so people could eat on the buses. And I always remember loading in. Well, it happens, actually happens more often than not.

46:52 But it, it was a very nice person on the tour. He was always there first as well. And the cases are literally coming into the dining room and he comes in, he goes, Sarah, he goes. I know this is going to be a stupid question, but is there any coffee yet? And I just looked and I went of all people, of all people, you're asking me that question. You are watching our cases come in now is that I know, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. That was a reason I'm tired and blah, blah, blah. And I was like, no shit. It's like, I wouldn't mind a coffee to to get this done. So I don't know, maybe I'd like a bit more awareness of saying get your coffee on the bus, guys, look after your caterers and really don't expect that there's going to be coffee and everything up within 5 minutes of the trucks being tipped.

47:45 So that's the only thing from me how I'm going to leave this. That ends up being quite a long podcast. Sorry. I hope you've enjoyed it. I would love if you know anyone reached out to me with even if, even if you are on tour right now and you're struggling and you need somebody to talk to, I am here. I am here for you. I know you don't know me, but sometimes that helps. And reaching out can be hard. It can be difficult and maybe you don't get the answer you or the results you're looking for the first time you do it, which is sad, which is really sad if that happens like it did to me. But hang in there. That's the first thing.

48:26 Hang in there because there is somebody, there's somebody on that tour that's looking at you and it's going to look after you, OK? I believe there will always be that person. Maybe not in your crew, but there is going to be someone there that's going to be looking out for you. And if not, if it's really getting so, it's so, so bad. And I'm sorry to all the crew chiefs, production managers, to everything. Just leave, get your bag and go because your health in the midst of having a breakdown when no one is going to help you, it's not worth you doing something really drastic or making a mistake that causes an accident, causes harm to yourself, causes harm to others. Life is too short.

49:08 Life is far, far too short if nobody's listening to you. But I do believe that there is people listening. And like I said, if anybody you know wants to reach out to me, reach out to me anytime, I'm not going to give my telephone number here, but producer at geezersofgear.com, drop me an e-mail. I'll send you my mobile number. You can chat with me. There's some great foundations out there as well that are help, that are helping in more ways always than 1E Live being one behind the scenes. They're always great advocates for mental health. I think it's still got a long way to go. I'm not quite sure. There's there's still parts that yeah, I'm I'm not quite sure, but maybe let's make it that it's you, it's me. We all come together and you're more aware of other people's situations and just come together. So for me, Sarah Burning leading ladies podcast next month, I hope that I will bring you a bunch of podcasts with some fantastic women.

50:14 Well, no, I'm going to not. I hope I'm going to. But for this month, you just had me. So on that note, bye. Now here's the leading ladies by Geezers of Gear on tour. Maybe she got some stories to share. Now here's the leading ladies by the Geezers of Gear Rock star ladies with some stories to share because La La La La la ladies La La.

51:07 La La La La la ladies. Yes, she's at heart. Now here's the leading ladies by kissers of Gear. Rock star ladies for some stories to share. Now here's the leading ladies by the kissers of Gear.